Sgt. Bilko

"I'm paralyzed from the hair down. Make the bad man stop."

At the Fort Baxter army base, life revolves around the antics of Master Sergeant Ernie Bilko (Martin).  The base Motorpool, under his command, is the home of the base gambling activities.  There is a roulette wheel and a bar and a computer system of other scams.  They are always looking for new ways to scam people out of their money: a tug of war contest between a horse and Private Doberman (Edwards), starting a daycare center in the storeroom with the motto "they won't die."  Bilko's men adore him and eagerly engage in each scam; and their commanding officer, Colonel Hall (Aykroyd), ignores their indiscretions.

When the army sends high-strung Major Colin Thorn (Hartman) to investigate the base, he runs into an old acquaintance: Bilko.  Thorn worked with Bilko, until he was blamed for one of Bilko's scams and sent to Greenland.  Now Thorn is bent on revenge... making Bilko's men run obstacle courses and performing random dorm checks.  He even brings in two accountants (Chris Rock and Catherine Silvers) to track every scent of the Motorpool.  And Bilko's fiance, Rita (Headley), has had enough.  After being left at the altar many times, she is done waiting... she gives him an ultimatum: put a ring on it by the end of the month or they are done.  With all this pressure, what will Bilko do?


My roommate and other close friends love this film and quote it to an excess.

"Make the bad man stop!"

"All I want is a puppy dog with big brown eyes that will lick my face and love me no matter what kind of a person I am."

"I have a plan, a P-L-A-N [spells P-A-L-N]"

So it was high time I watched this film.  And I have to say it was great; a constant stream of laughs.  Steve Martin is in top form scheming and talking his way out of any (and every) jam.  And Phil Hartman oils his way across the screen.  Hartman was a genius on SNL and found a home in movies, always playing the slimeball you love to hate.  The Motorpool crew really sell their parts and steal some laughs here and there.  The only character that is lacking is Glenne Headly's Rita.  Perhaps it relates to how the character was written, but the character just doesn't measure up to the rest of the ensemble.

According to various message boards, this movie pales in comparison to the original TV show starring Phil Silvers.  Silvers is a talented comedian, and I have no doubt that his Bilko is awesome, but I have yet to see the TV show.  Interesting fact: Silver's daughter Catherine appeared in this film as one of the accountants.

Another slam dunk from Martin.  This film gets better each time you watch it!

Sgt. Bilko (1996) 93 minutes
Director: Jonathan Lynn
Starring: Steve Martin as Master Sgt Ernie Bilko
Dan Aykroyd as Col John Hall
Phil Hartman as Major Colin Thorn
Glenne Headly as Rita Robbins
Daryl Mitchell as Pfc Walter Holbrook
Max Casella as Spc Paparelli
Eric Edwards as Pvt Doberman
John Marshall Jones as Sgt Henshaw
Pamela Adlon as Sgt Barbella